


it's what the broken-hearted do

by emilia_kaisa



Series: blunt challenge [5]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: M/M, Not Beta Read, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:20:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29313219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: He's beautiful and a thousand miles away, and he belongs to someone else.
Relationships: Nathan Chen/Mikhail Kolyada
Series: blunt challenge [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138568
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	it's what the broken-hearted do

**Author's Note:**

> Take me back to 2017/2018, what a good time ahh  
> Fic nr 5 inspired by 'If time is all I have'  
> I highly encourage to watch Misha's FP performance during Russian test skates for the best experience :P

Nate has been doing so well for the past couple of months.

He has been keeping himself busy, with school and managing training the best he could. It's a lot of work, a full-time job and more, and he usually falls asleep the moment his head hits the pillow.

But not today.

Today he's a little tipsy and completely alone, with no one to meet and nothing to do, and he just can't help himself. He told himself he would stay away but it feels like an impossible task right now, and his fingers are working on their own, typing a name he hasn't spoken out loud for over a year.

Nate blinks, focusing his gaze on the screen of the laptop resting on his knees, and he leans back against the headboard, his breath catching in his throat.

He shouldn't do that, he knows because it will only bring him more heartache, and he has been doing so well lately. But even Nathan Chen has his weaknesses, and one of them is this, a Russian boy who smiles so rarely and yet so beautifully it feels warmer than the sun itself.

He didn't get a clue in the beginning, he didn't suspect anything at all. It was just like with everyone else, joking around, exchanging hugs and handshakes on the podiums they shared and smiles during press conferences. It's fun and easy, and Nate doesn't think anything more of it until Pyeongchang, and how they were standing right next to each other in the locker room after the short program was done, and when their eyes met Nate felt like a truck with a ton of bricks hit him.

They didn't say a word, but he could see it in Mikhail's eyes, the weight of knowledge that they had down not only themselves, but most importantly their countries, two skating powers putting all their exceptations on their slender shoulders.

Nate blinks rapidly, his eyes burning, and he hits play before he can start remembering how terribly bad an idea it is. But it's too late, because there he is, in the middle of the screen, sliding to the centre of the ice, and Nate's heart is pounding so hard he can barely hear the crowd cheering.

He looks so good, mature and serious and calm, and the simple costume he's wearing highlights elegant lines of his body. Nate barely has time to process that until the music starts and he closes the laptop with so much force he wouldn't be surprised if the screen broke, and he pushes it out of his lap like it's burning.

He pushes his knees up and hides his face against his legs, feeling small and ridculous and unable to stop the train of emotions swirling inside him, harsh and overwhelming and taking his breath away.

He remembers how he wanted to say goodbye after competition in Korea was done, but he felt too awkward to go and look for Misha in the Russian house. And then they met in Milano, both more relaxed and smiling without that strain that used to mar their faces before.

When Raf told him Misha would come for a couple of weeks during the following summer, Nate could barely contain his excitement. It meant more time they could spend together, getting to know each other better even with the language barrier still there. But it felt so nice to have Misha in California, his eyes curious, smile more relaxed and appearing easily. It was a blast, days of excitement and warmth, and Nate slowly coming to terms with the fact that yes, he had feelings for Misha, irrational and surprising and yet still there.

Nate inhales shakily, and slowly reaches for his laptop, driven by an odd force telling him that once he started he can’t stop now, he really can’t.

So he watches.

It’s beautiful. It’s heart-wrenching and lyrical, full of power and so many emotions Nate’s chest and throat feel full and heavy, clogged with tears Nate is trying so hard not to shed. Every move has a purpose, every little gesture being a part of the story Misha is masterfully crafting, heartbreaking and honest.

He's beautiful and a thousand miles away, and he belongs to someone else.

Nate still remembers it so well, one of the afternoons they spent on a beach, Misha’s face slightly pink from the sun, Nate’s own heart fluttering, a little bird trying to fly for the very first time.

“I will tell you a secret. I am engaged.” 

He said it so slowly, so solemnly, with so much pride and happiness in his voice.

Little did he knew Nathan’s poor teenage heart crumbled into million pieces.

He told himself that he was just being dramatic. That he was only taking it so hard because it was the first time he allowed himself to fall for a guy and it ended even before it could even start.

It was just a little crush, right?   
So little, so innocent. And yet years later, it’s still making his heart grow so much it feels like there’s no space left inside him for anything else.

The program ends, and Nate presses the space button gently, the frame showing Misha in his final pose, one arm up as if in a silent plea, his expression smooth, at peace. 

Nate takes a deep breath and closes the laptop, his heartbeat slowing down to a calmer, healthier rhythm.

He doesn’t like to feel sorry for himself, that’s why he has been doing well in most aspects of his life. And he knows that in the end, he will find his inner peace too. 

Someday.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> 'The White Crow' is truly a masterpiece, isn't it?  
> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
